Lisa lives in Essex and cares for her twin sons Joshua and Jaiden, aged nine. Both boys have been diagnosed with learning difficulties; Joshua is autistic and trouble with sensory processing, and Jaiden has ADHD. She says Carers First has been a saving grace for her family – here’s her story.
“My caring duties range from things like cooking, cleaning and bathing the boys, to things that are a bit more difficult to manage, like providing constant routine, reassurance and explanations to them.
“They like to have a routine and structure in their days so I try to avoid any unplanned surprises that could result in a meltdown. Everything needs to be done for them in a certain way; for example, they have limited diets and food needs to be cooked in an exact way otherwise they just won’t eat it. It can be difficult!
“Jaiden in particular requires a lot of reassurance. He’s a very anxious child and worries a lot especially since his dad left, whereas Josh needs more structure and perfectionism in his daily routine.”
Lisa explained that her social life has changed since caring for her sons. “Socially, it can be very hard, not only because I’m a single parent but because there are places and events that the kids can’t go to.
“Josh won’t go to events that are overly loud or busy; his school is holding a celebration for the Queen’s Jubilee but it’s too much for him, so he doesn’t want to go. It’s difficult to visit family and friends as well because there are certain places and people that just don’t work for him.
“Managing all this day to day and catering to different needs 24/7 can be exhausting. I don’t sleep well either – although Josh and Jaiden have their own rooms, they tend to wake up several times throughout the night, so my sleep is broken and I become even more tired in the day.
“Add all this together and it becomes so mentally draining. Especially as I care for them by myself, I have to make decisions for them alone which puts a lot of pressure on me. At the minute I’m worried about what secondary schools they should go to, what assistance they need, worrying about if they get separated and go to different locations…it’s a lot for one person to deal with alone.”
So, how has Carers First helped Lisa?
“Carers First was recommended to me by a friend. I got in touch with the team and spoke to Donna, who has been an absolute saving grace.
“Donna calls me or visits to check in on how I’m coping. It’s just great to have someone around who totally understands what I’m going through and supports me, even if it’s just for a quick chat over the phone. It means I don’t have to deal with everything alone, and she can even help talk through decisions like which schools the boys will go to.
“Carers First has also provided helpful financial advice on grants which help our lives. For example, I have a problem with my hip which causes me a lot of pain, and the mattress I had at home was nothing but springs, so it was making things worse. Donna told me about a grant that was available which funded a brand new mattress to help me sleep better – even if the kids still wake up throughout the night!”
Lisa said that her family has also been given a respite grant to fund a family holiday that she would otherwise have not been able to afford. “We’ll get to go on a caravan holiday together which wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Carers First. The break will allow us to chill out, have time together as a family and make memories. It will be a nice change from the stresses of daily life!
“The team also advise on support like parenting courses too. It’s great to know that there are resources and help out there.”
Lisa’s advice to other carers is not to be too proud to accept help. “Take all the advice and support that is on offer around you! Don’t try to be independent if you know you’re struggling alone – you’ve got nothing to lose in asking for help.
“Carers First provides amazing reassurance and support. It’s like having a friend who’s only a phone call away, the help definitely gives you peace of mind.”
Joshua, Jaiden and younger brother, Tommy
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