Debbie spoke to us about what it was like being a full-time carer for her Mum who had Parkinson's disease and was blind.
Debbie had always been close to both her parents and when her Mum fell ill she didn’t want to see her go into a home.
Debbie’s life soon became defined by her caring responsibilities with little to no time for herself. Previously an active volunteer for RSPB and Essex Wildlife Trust, Debbie gave this up to focus on caring.
Her mum demanded constant attention. Her blindness meant she needed to hear Debbie to know she was there, and she would get agitated and anxious if Debbie wasn’t in the same room. Night-time offered little reprieve as Debbie was alert to her mum’s hallucinations as well as the weight of things she needed to remember to do.
Caring took its toll and Debbie found herself increasingly stressed, isolated and frustrated:
“I found myself feeling resentful of my situation, like my life had stopped and I sometimes wished my mum would just die.”
These were difficult feelings to have especially with no one to share them with.
A self-described planner, Debbie had investigated support services early and had already attended Carers First support group meetings. Carers First helped her obtain a Carers Assessment and secure a direct payment which she used for a sitting service.
Debbie says: “As a carer, I found so often you’re not listened to. It was such a relief to know there are people willing to listen and who know what it’s like to be a carer. The support group gave me strength to carry on. I could talk freely about my frustrations with people who understood and wouldn’t judge me. I thought if they can keep going, so can I!”
Debbie’s mum died in November 2019. Despite its challenges, Debbie has no regrets about caring for her mum and fondly remembers both her parents. She says goodnight to the photo of them by her bedside every night.
Debbie now volunteers for Carers First, running the Moving On Staying Together peer support group helping former carers. She is also training as a Digital Champion to help carers get online.
Online Help and Advice
Visit our online support section where we have provided advice and guidance on a range of relevant topics to help you in your caring role.