“My oldest son’s death from cancer at just 28 left a shadow over my family’s life. It contributed to my husband’s poor health and my youngest son’s breakdown and battle with depression.”
Noella was so proud of her oldest son who had qualified as a doctor and had his whole life ahead of him. Caring ran in her family with Noella a nurse herself.
Tragedy struck when Noella’s son was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach. She stopped work to care for him but heartbreakingly, within the year, her son died.
His death had a lasting impact on each member of his family. For Noella’s youngest son, only 14 at the time of his beloved brother’s death, it would be several years before its full impact was felt. At University, while living away from his parents, he had a breakdown.
Noella never returned to nursing and started volunteering to distract herself from the loss. She also cared for her husband whose health worsened with high blood pressure, diabetes and later dementia.
Her youngest son’s breakdown meant Noella took on a caring role for him. She says:
“Looking back, I didn’t have support. I didn’t feel like I couldn’t speak to my family. Life was hard and I felt alone.”
Noella came across Carers First after her husband died. She now lived on her own as her son had moved out although the up and down nature of his depression put her on call to care.
Now in her 80s, Noella eagerly got involved in the support available from Carers First. She joined social events with other carers, went on day trips including to the seaside, started yoga and joined programmes on bereavement and mindfulness. Thanks to the friends she made, she didn’t feel so cut off during the pandemic as she says she had people to pick up the phone to.
“Carers First were a lifeline to me. I finally had people I felt I could talk to. It helped me find a life of my own and a reason to get dressed each day.”
Noella says the support from Carers First has helped her finally process the loss of her oldest son all those years ago. It has helped her in caring for her youngest son such as how to talk to him when he is down.
Noella continues to care for her son and particularly enjoys their trips out when he is well. Her one regret is he never married but she says he has good friends around him. This gives her comfort about the future as she knows she won’t always be around.
Noella’s positive experience has made her want to share anything she learns with those caring. She has helped friends complete benefit forms and apply for Blue Badges. She says: “I’ve learnt there is so much support out there for carers if you know where to look. I tell every carer I know to contact Carers First.”
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